Understanding The Importance of Eating Habits and How It Played a Role in My Self-Image.

Understanding The Importance of Eating Habits and How It Played a Role in My Self-Image.

We are molded by our experiences and how we are conditioned as children.

Disclaimer: This experience is my own and may not be true for all children/people who are naturally slim or children who were force-fed.

Growing up, my parents ensured that me and my siblings knew how fortunate we were to have food in our bellies, clothing on our back and shelter over our heads.

We learned early on to be grateful for what we had. These values are still a huge part of my life today.

However, my parents’ and other adults concern of how slim we were only grew as time passed.

As a result, our food portions grew also.

As a kid, I struggled to sit and finish my meals. All I wanted to do was play games with my siblings or read or draw or ANYTHING ELSE besides eat.

Between the ages of 6-11, I remember running around and being reminded to “finish your food!!” at every single meal. Even when we were tired and feeling full.

There are a few key emotions I want to address with what is called “psychological blackmail“.

  • Shame: “Look how much bigger your brother/sister/friend is!”
  • Guilt: “So many people are starving in the world! You need to eat!”
  • Fear: “If you don’t finish your food, there will be something to cry about.”

We’d often have to be “force fed” to finish every bite. Even if we fell asleep, we’d slowly be fed until the bowl was empty or my parents couldn’t wake us up!

Although it didn’t seem major, those years resulted in being conditioned to eat large portions of food.

My friends in high school were often shocked and it became a running joke. Growing up, I didn’t see the effect it had until later.

That’s what I’ve been doing?

It wasn’t until I left high school and moved out of home that I realised my habit.

Even today, people would ask, “Where does all that food go?”.

My response is usually along the lines of “I don’t know, it’s just in my genes”. That’s followed by, “You’re so lucky!” or “I just look at a cookie and I gain 2kgs!”.

In my early twenties, I started seeing a guy (now my boyfriend) and he was the opposite when it came to food portions.

He appreciated good food and loved a home-cooked meal but he would not eat anywhere near the same amount as I would.

At first it was funny but as time went on, I realised that these kind of portions were doing more harm to my body than good.

In saying that, we both addressed habits that needed attention: my portions were ridiculous and my guilt of not finishing my food even more so. And Luke’s habit of only eating once or twice a day maximum could not fuel his body for the long hours he worked.

When I realised this habit, I began making a conscious decision to change. I encouraged my boyfriend to try his best to eat 3 meals a day around his night-shift schedule.

How I unlearned these habits.

1. I began eating to satisfaction and practiced mindfulness.

I enjoyed all my favourite foods, but no longer felt the urge to stack my plate.

Being mindful really helped during this ‘transition’. I listened to my body and my tastebuds.

Meals did not need to be a one-person competition of how much I could fit into my digestive system.

It became an act of self-care: feed my body well, and express gratitude throughout the process of cooking, plating and serving.

This has become one of the ways I show people I love them. Cooking can be a labour of love!

2. I trained my mind to let comments slide like water off a swan’s back.

People noticed this change in habit. I’d receive comments like “Oh, you’re not hungry anymore? There are seconds and thirds!” or “You need to eat more! Look at you!” or “I wish I could eat my fave foods and still be as small as you!”.

Now, I was actively changing my perspective each time someone made a comment.

I knew they were just curious or concerned and what people said were usually from a place of love.

During this time, between ages 20-23, I started loving my body instead of ignoring it.

Yes, I loved to dress up and find clothes that fit perfectly but that was a distraction to actually taking the time to APPRECIATE this body that people called “too skinny” or “so boney”.

This was also the time I realised how different bodies, shapes and sizes DESERVED love and appreciation.

Why?

Just because!

No matter what people said, I was going to love my body for all it’s strength, skinniness and stature!

3. Thought patterns: My body may be skinny but it is also strong.

Instead of feeling insecure about me being “too skinny”, I started focusing on strength. Slowly – but surely! – I began working out.

At first, it was just walking around the block. For about a year or so, me and my boyfriend would go for walks around the neighbourhood after work or after dinner.

We got to spend quality time but we also got some light cardio in for the week!

Mentally, I started feeling more confident and comfortable in my own skin.

I practiced positive self-talk and body image weekly.

I reminded myself that my legs have taken me through endless hours of work.

My arms have comforted my loved ones.

My eyes have seen so many kind and inspiring people.

Continuing on!

The journey to shifting my mindset felt like an uphill battle. It was difficult to find the balance.

Some days I couldn’t stomach enough food and other days I could snack constantly.

Some days I hated everything I wore and had that classic problem of “I have nothing to wear!”

In reality, I had loads to wear but I did not have the confidence or positive body image to match.

Through the years of being told my body wasn’t good enough or ‘not the norm’ whether it was from:

  • Concern: “Do your parents feed you?” (Yes, an extended family member asked me this in private.)
  • Envy: “Ugh, I wish my body was like yours!” (From a complete stranger in a fitting room.)
  • Curiosity: “How do you stay so slim?” (From work colleagues to family friends.)

Years of comments like these eventually wear a person down.

Regardless, I did not give up on this self-project because I knew that this would prove to be beneficial not just mentally, but emotionally and physically.

I hope these ‘unlearning’ lessons gave you an insight that it is possible to change thought patterns concerning food and self-image.

Today, I enjoy food and everything that comes with it! From the flavours around the world to the comfort it brings when cooking and sharing it with loved ones.

Love the body you’re in. Regardless of what people say. If you are healthy and happy, you’re doing amazing and I see you!

What are habits that you need to “unlearn”? What is the first step that you can take today?

Rich Dad Poor Dad | Lesson 3: Mind Your Own Business.

Rich Dad Poor Dad | Lesson 3: Mind Your Own Business.

Chapter Summary

In the previous chapter, I learned the importance of how money works. The third chapter focused on applying this knowledge in the real world. Furthermore, Rob emphasised interesting but often ignored advice: keep your day job and mind your business.

Robert explained the difference between a profession and one’s business. A profession is where you work for someone else and make them rich and a business is where you make the money work for you. Income that is generated with little or no effort AKA your assets.

Financial struggle is often the result of people working all their lives for someone else.

R. Kiyosaki

Not everyone can start a business. However, everyone can begin learning financial intelligence to make money work for them.

Robert reiterates once again the problem with focusing on our income column.

“I need a raise.”

“I’m going to work overtime.”

“Soon, I’ll start training so I can get a better job.”

These are common phrases Rob tends to hear. This sort of action can make you financially secure if you are investing in income-generating assets.

Some never ‘take the risk’ for fear of losing it all, so the pay check goes into a long-term savings account or to a broker who takes his fee after all is said and done.

Net worth.

Robert goes on to mention net worth. He cringes whenever people mention net worth because any assets that are sold, are taxed for any gains. Therefore, the government takes its share and in the end, their ‘net worth’ is worth less than one may think.

So, what’s the solution?

Keep expenses low, reduce liabilities and diligently build a base of solid assets.

According to Rob, real assets are as follows:

  • A business that does not require your presence
  • Stocks
  • Bonds
  • Royalties from intellectual property such as music, scripts and patents
  • Anything else that has value, produces income, appreciates and has a ready market

If you would like to read more, you can purchase the book here.

By growing your asset column, you can use that cashflow to pay for your expenses.

Instead of slaving away at a job all week and wait to get paid, why not have automatic cash-flow from income-generating assets?

What’s your profession? What’s your business? The two are not necessarily the same.

Remember the infamous phrase?

Make your money work for you.

Personal Reflections

This chapter was quite short compared to the last two. However, it was straight to the point which I did appreciate.

Something I have started to notice is that Rob often criticises schools for teaching children how to contribute to society and not how to increase their asset column.

I do agree with Rob’s statements to an extent, however, I have to say that having basic skills in literacy and maths is not a crime. Neither is a child who learns and enjoys art, history or drama.

On the other hand, it would be a great addition to education if new generations learned from our mistakes and focused on assets instead of liabilities.

It has occurred to me now that not many people find interest in assets. Some truly enjoy going to a job, knowing what to expect and getting paid for an honest days work.

I don’t have a problem with that. I suppose this book and the ideas that Robert teaches are for those who crave freedom from ‘the desk’ and those who want to do what their really passionate about.

If you want financial freedom then follow the points in this book — I’m sure you’ll find a few valuable useful lessons!

As I continue reading, I don’t really see myself starting a business (unless it is within the mental health sector) in which case, cannot be a presence-free business.

Since I’ve begun investing in Raiz, I do see myself investing into stocks and later in life, investing into start-ups.

Today, I actually signed up for another income stream: Fiverr. As I already write for this blog, I figured why not write for websites, individuals and organisations who are like-minded?

Final Notes

My current action plan is – starting from ‘zero’ – to build my asset column. To generate more income, I have begun driving for Uber Eats, invested into Raiz (stocks) and started offering my services as a mental health writer to combine my passion for mental health with writing!

The hype within me is beginning to die down but I am still curious as ever to read more about Robert’s life, case studies and his financial accomplishments.

I’ve always been eager to learn, improve or master a skill, thought or idea. Reading this book has been one of the best decisions in my life so far.

On to the next lesson!

Read: Rich Dad Poor Dad – Increase your financial intelligence!

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Don’t Get Spooked By Your Emotions.

Don’t Get Spooked By Your Emotions.

Happy halloween!

Over the next few weeks, I am going to have a new theme each week based on the international holiday or awareness campaign.

Today, I wanted to discuss how we can take charge of our emotional health.

Throughout my life, people have asked how I’ve gone through the things I have.

Well, now you’ll know! I share some thoughts and strategies on acknowledging our emotions and using them for good.

If you’ve been on a journey to heal from trauma, you are not alone.

Taking charge of our emotional state means we become responsible for our own happiness. It may seem daunting, but I promise, it is so worth it!

Acknowledge the good and the bad.

Like most things, there must be balance. Remembering the good and bad times help us practice cognitive flexibility: the ability to switch between thinking about two different concepts, and to think about multiple concepts simultaneously.

No matter what we go through, we can acknowledge the pain yet remain motivated, inspired and hopeful.

When circumstances change abruptly, you’re likely to feel numb, rage, sadness or even despair. We must also remember that abrupt, positive changes can happen too!

While at my psychologist appointment, I mentioned a situation that frustrated me, but I also mentioned the positive side too. Good and bad exist simultaneously.

Train your mind to see both.

Healing isn’t linear and life isn’t always predictable, but having the ability to acknowledge and accept the good times with the bad can give us hope for the future!

Notice how people (characters in your favourite movies/shows), colleagues, friends and family interact.

Have you ever people-watched? When we’re having a coffee at our favourite cafe, at a restaurant with family or whilst shopping – we’ve all done this to an extent.

Seeing how others express their emotion whether it is joy or pain, can help us navigate our own.

Do you know someone who you gravitate towards? The person who seems happy? Or someone who always seems to be encouraging? Or someone who is matter-of-fact and productive?

Ask how they came to be the way they are. Do they listen to podcasts? Do they surround themselves with people full of wisdom?

Since beginning my path in mental health and learning more every year, the best way was to surround myself with people on the same or similar journey. People who have surpassed “growing pains” or starting their career. People who are more experienced than I am. I study their behaviour by watching their interviews, reading their articles and looking at summaries of research.

You don’t have to be a sociologist to notice behaviour. We already do it, subconsciously.

If you want to learn how to navigate emotions with intent, empathy and understanding, look around you.

There are lessons everywhere.

Otherwise, there are many self-help books out there like this one. Even discussing your curiosity with friends or family who are like-minded can spark a whole lot of learning for everyone!

Don’t let the darkness scare you.

For me, negative thoughts come and go. It can depend on my current circumstances, a bad day or a heavy conversation. When I know I will or have experienced something hurtful, overwhelming or even harmful, I expect what comes next: the darkness.

Life is a mixed bag.

We grieve for lost loved ones, we navigate illness, we may end up in a car accident or we may lose a good job.

No matter what it is, expect what comes next. Whether it is pain, hard-work, healthier habits or editing an old resume – step into the unknown.

You will be okay.

If you’re afraid of the unknown – that’s okay! We all are. It is part of the human condition.

We can plan until our heart’s content but that still doesn’t guarantee what our future will look like.

Regardless, organising ourselves for the worst-case scenario means we can think three steps ahead. Not many people do this. Do what others aren’t!

Remember that when life becomes unbearable next time, you have a track record of STRENGTH to carry you through.

There is always hope, as long as you believe in it!

Learn through books, mental health magazines, videos, podcasts or online communities.

Often, I found it difficult to talk about my mental struggles with those around me. There were a few people but sometimes I was so overwhelmed – I couldn’t possibly put this pain on another (a false belief I told myself back then). I know now, people are willing to listen.

I found comfort in reading, writing and creating art to express myself.

To this day, this is a huge cathartic process for me. I’m forever grateful for such an outlet.

I’ve read multiple books on mental health, self-improvement, emotional intelligence and of course, lots of non-fiction! You can learn all you want but remember to enjoy yourself too!

Eventually, I found videos on self-development and podcasts on positivity and attitude.

It was only a matter of time before my tangible self-help tools became digital — welcome to the age of Instagram, YouTube, Spotify, Snapchat and Tumblr!

These days, there are thousands of online forums or group pages tackling difficult life experiences including mental illness, domestic violence, finances, decluttering and organisation.

If there is something you would like to learn more about, I bet that it is out there!

If it isn’t out there yet — start a group, an informational blog or Facebook page!

Talk to someone.

I mention this often in my blog posts. Not only did this help me through my teenage years and continues in adulthood, but it taught me that I don’t have to be afraid of what I’m feeling.

There is no shame in being honest about how you feel!

Find someone in your friendship group or a mental health professional that you can trust.

You can learn a thing or two just by starting a conversation.

It can be really comforting when you’re able to open up to someone and feel heard.

Receiving advice or even encouragement from loved ones can go a long way too. Don’t close yourself off.

I know it can feel unbearable to express ourselves – especially when we’re really hurting – but it is so important that we do.

I have included a list of organisations below that are here to help if you are in need.

Have realistic expectations.

You know yourself the best. Once you start delving into the realm of self-development, it can be challenging to navigate when roadblocks come up. Set realistic expectations for yourself.

If you’re reading a book, don’t force yourself to stay up late just to finish it. Take your time, digest the information and get enough sleep.

If you noticed a certain behavioural trait of yours (e.g. talking over someone else), don’t expect it to go away overnight.

Change takes time.

Try to live mindfully: notice how you feel with small changes.

Remember that everyone makes mistakes.

Everyone has had moments where they’ve said the wrong thing, intentionally or unintentionally.

It’s not about being perfect. It’s about becoming aware of your emotions and being aware of how you fit into this world.

I hope you found these tips helpful!

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5 Ways to Calm Your Mind

5 Ways to Calm Your Mind

One in five (20%) Australians aged 16-85 experience a mental illness in any year. Almost half (45%) Australians will experience a mental illness in their lifetime.

Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2009). National Survey of Mental Health and Wellbeing: Summary of Results, 4326.0, 2007. ABS: Canberra.

Over the years, I have compiled a short list of things that helped when I experienced depressive and anxious symptoms including stress, irritation, hopelessness or deep sadness. Finding ways to manage these symptoms made a world of difference in my life.

Remember, what may work for me may not work for you. Be patient through the process and don’t give up hope!

1. Mindfulness and body awareness.

Sometimes it can be difficult to calm ourselves down when our emotions overwhelm us.

Being mindful throughout your day can help, like noticing how sitting in a chair is supporting your body, or how laying in bed restores your energy – thoughts like this can lead to a calmer mindset. This can also encourage thoughts of gratitude and positivity.

Deep breathing – as simple as it sounds – helps us connect to our body. The main goal with breathing and exercise, is to get us out of our minds and into the PRESENT MOMENT.

Whenever an overwhelming feeling rises, take a few moments. Breathe deeply. Inhale in, slow exhale out. Scream into a pillow if it helps!

NOTE: Using a “mantra” can be useful to remind yourself to stay positive.

Things I say to remind myself:

“I acknowledge my pain but I will not stay in it.”

“I’m safe in this place.”

“Anger is a normal emotion.”

Take some deep breaths, acknowledge the emotion that rises and let it go.

2. Exercise.

Even 10 minutes each day can be beneficial. We hear it over and over how exercise helps — that’s because it really does.

  • Promotes the release of feel-good chemicals in your brain, like endorphins and serotonin.
  • Gives you a sense of accomplishment as your fitness improves and you start achieving your goals.
  • Exercise is usually a shared activity with others so you get the added benefits of social connection.
  • Sharper memory and thinking. The same endorphins that make you feel better also help you concentrate and feel mentally sharp for tasks at hand. Exercise also stimulates the growth of new brain cells and helps prevent age-related decline.

When I struggled with depression and anxiety, yoga and walking really helped to connect my mind to my body.

On YouTube, I frequently watch Yoga with Adriene. She has a calming voice, is humorous and a great teacher of patience/respect towards our bodies.

I always try to encourage my boyfriend to go on walks with me also – having a walking buddy is nice! Even if you go with a friend, this can foster social connection which is a basic human need.

More recently, I’ve started working out at home. I purchased a Home Workout Guide from Madalin Giorgetta to help my confidence while building strength.

Watching YouTube follow-alongs of 10 minute workouts can be a great way to get motivated!

Exercise in general encourages me to stay active and push through any lurking negative feelings or mindsets.

3. Listen to podcasts or guided meditation.

Here are a few of my favourites:

  • Ancient Wisdom Today on Spotify – the guy’s voice is really calming. He has a lot of encouraging words.
  • Guided meditation: Michael Seeley’s channel on YouTube is great for guided meditation.
  • Impact Theory. Watching interviews with leading experts in all things mindset, business and general well-being.
  • Infinite Waters. “Diving deep” into consciousness, raising self-esteem and confidence.

Listening to what other people have overcome in their struggle, can be really uplifting.

Similarly, watching or reading about how people changed their mindset, manage mental illness and find love in the darkest of times can encourage you to keep swimming.

There were moments in my life where I felt like I shouldn’t be here on this Earth but forcing myself to watch positive, encouraging and strength-inducing videos helped me “get out of quick-sand”, so to speak.

Whenever I feel myself sinking, I have a common action plan:

  • Talk to my boyfriend about it.
  • Schedule friendship dates, outings and catch ups.
  • Make sure to vent on my private blog.
  • Schedule an appointment with my psychologist.
  • Watch motivational videos and listen to big-idea podcasts.

This doesn’t always happen in that particular order, but these are my personal tried-and-tested options to get out of a negative mindset.

These days, I would say the most difficult times have passed, but I still refer to my personal action plan whenever I start to notice that dark familiar feeling.

4. Spend time with loved ones.

When we’re feeling irritable, it can be difficult to be social. In small doses though, loving company and light-hearted conversations can really help in uplifting our mood.

In the last few years I’ve become really honest with friends/family/boyfriend about my mental health.

If you feel comfortable to do so, share your struggles. This can unload some of the weight and help you feel calmer in your mind and body.

I’ve told my boyfriend how important it is that he is more encouraging when I feel really anxious or deeply sad and that has helped me feel loved and grounded.

It is okay to ask for help and to tell our loved ones what we need when times get rough.

It is all too common that we feel guilty or ashamed, but there’s no need to — you’re not doing anything wrong by reaching out or being honest with how you feel.

If you don’t feel comfortable or safe to talk to anyone around you, find online communities, mental health pages or speak to a counsellor or psychologist that you can trust.

5. Express your emotions.

What I’ve learned in school about emotion, is that we all need some form of expression or else normal things like anger and sadness can overwhelm us.

Whether it’s through writing, exercise, typing it out in a private blog or having a friend listen, these are good forms of expression.

During high school, I was grounded a lot and my only form of expression was to draw. All the pain, frustration and isolation I felt was put onto paper. Whenever I had the chance, I’d also write it out or type it up on a private blog.

Are there activities you naturally gravitate towards? Skate boarding, dancing, drawing, painting, restoring furniture, DIY projects, cooking, writing, photography?

Whatever it may be, find a way to get the emotion/frustration/joy from your mind out into the world in a creative and healthy way.

Bottling it up can make things worse so it is always better to find a way to let it out – trust me when I say this.

What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candor, and more unashamed conversation. – Glenn Close.

If you or someone you care about is struggling, please refer to the list below for immediate help and/or advice.

If it is an emergency, please dial 000.

  • lifeline.org.au 13 11 14 – crisis support, suicide prevention
  • healthengine – Find a psychologist in Australia
  • healthengine – Find a counsellor in Australia
  • blueknot helpline 1300 657 380 – complex trauma
  • beyondblue.org.au 1300 22 4636 – depression/anxiety awareness
  • kidshelpline.com.au 1800 55 1800 – private, confidential counselling
  • qlife.org.au 1800 184 527 – LGBTI support site
  • vvcs.gov.au 1800 011 046 – veteran, war-related support
  • ReachOut – youth mental health and community forums

Image by Sven.

Rich Dad Poor Dad | Lesson 2: Why Teach Financial Literacy?

Rich Dad Poor Dad | Lesson 2: Why Teach Financial Literacy?

Chapter Summary

In Lesson 1, I learned how different the mentality was between Rich Dad and Poor Dad. I resonated with Poor Dad and his mindset as I have always been focused on getting a better job to pay for my life and all the expenses.

Since starting my life-changing journey 5 years ago, I have had huge mental shifts in how I see myself and how I see money.

Being excited to read Lesson 2 would be an understatement.

This next chapter delved into the importance of financial literacy.

Financial literacy is the knowledge of how money works and finding ways to make it work for you.

Three decades later, I read about how Rob and Mike’s strong foundation of money management set them up for life: Rob could retire before 50 years of age, while Mike inherited Rich Dad’s business and took it from strength to strength.

Assets VS Liabilities.

Furthermore, we learn the difference between assets and liabilities. An asset generates income, whereas a liability becomes an expense and eats away at your income.

Robert included examples of the Cashflow pattern of an income statement, where an asset generates income. He also showed the Cashflow pattern of an income statement for people who own liabilities rather than assets.

Robert gets asked similar questions all the time: How can I start? What can I do to make millions like you?

His answer: If you want to be rich, spend your life building your asset column. If you want to be middle class or poor, spend your life buying liabilities that you think are assets.

One main takeaway is the notion that money does not solve all problems. Learning this over the years, I would agree.

If you don’t have the skills to manage money well, even if you make more money, you will see the same problems. Just on a bigger scale.

Robert explained the general cycle of cashflow for young, newly-weds or graduates. A couple might move in together and instead of building assets, they use their income to pay for their rising expenses.

Income goes up, but so do their financial obligations.

There begins the cycle of the “rat race”. This drove home the importance of financial literacy and why having a strong foundation of money-management is crucial to success.

Personal Reflections

Main takeaway for me personally was Robert’s view on being a homeowner.

Rob explained 3 ways a homeowner is an employee:

  1. You work for the company. You’re adding the the success and riches of the business owner. Even if you work harder, your earning is capped.
  2. You work for the government. Your income is taxed heavily depending on your income threshold. Most of the working year and income go to tax before you even see the money.
  3. You work for the bank. Once you’ve paid tax, you generally need to pay for your mortgage and/or credit-card debt.

Within the last few years, property has been an interesting topic of conversation between my boyfriend and me.

This view of a “homeowner being an employee” is not the same logic I’ve been exposed to. I’ve heard about cars being a liability – that makes sense. I always thought owning property would be a good way to ‘build wealth’ as so many other people have done this before me.

As I read further on, Rob mentions that his goal isn’t to stop people from buying property, but he is saying to invest wisely and choose homes that will generate enough income for you.

Financial survivability.

Wealth isn’t about all the material things you can buy, but it is measured by how long you can survive for if you stopped working at your job today.

Can I survive a month or a year if I stopped working? My answer is a resounding no.

However, it is just the beginning of my learning and this makes me very excited to see how financial literacy could change the course of my life.

After reading this chapter, I felt quite frantic to acquire income-generating assets. I forget to remind myself that this takes time.

It may take a year or three – or even longer – to find myself at this level of wealth. Patience will be essential – something I am trying to work on a lot!

As long as I am doing one task each day to get closer to my goals, I will achieve them.

Action I have taken & future plans*.

At the moment, I have begun investing in Raiz (investment app) and am planning to purchase stock in social media.

I have officially gotten approved for a second job, so I am hoping this will begin my journey to building my asset column.

It’s all so exciting!

My dream is to have assets pay for all expenses each month so any income I do receive, will be pure profit to go towards this blog, to re-invest or transferred to a personal savings account.

*My goals may change and I’m okay with that. We can always prepare for the best and worst moments in life but until it happens, or unless we take action, we won’t know how the future will be.

On to the third Lesson!

Have you read Lesson 2 yet? What did you resonate with most? What did you find challenging?

Read Rich Dad Poor Dad now and change your mindset!

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Image by Valentina Conde.